


In Lust, We Trust

by NickoW



Category: South Park
Genre: High School - Au, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-02-09 18:43:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12894384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NickoW/pseuds/NickoW
Summary: Craig Tucker tries to stay closet gay through high school. Something that turns out to be hard when a new boy named Tweek Tweak joins his class at the start of junior year.A story about lust and love and the struggle coping with them.





	1. Craig 1: Beauty is the beast

**Author's Note:**

> This a first-person POW. The main characters are Craig and Tweek. Stan and Kyle are also important, but it will be later in the story(which will be long but I have it figured out). If you like drama, back and forth action and relationships in all its different forms, then you will like this story. Feel free to comment. Bad and good, what you wish to happen and so on.

_And tell me who's a killer?_  
_If we all consider_  
_That emotion runs as deep as flesh_  
_And the idea of ideals_  
_That say what beauty is_  
_Has sentenced so many to death_

* * *

**Monday**

I laid down on my bed and brought the pillow to the face so that my agonizing sounds were allayed. I was disgusted that I once again found myself jerking off to some stupid gay porn. I never felt straighter than right after the potential babies launched onto the toilet paper. I promised myself that I never would do it again and that I would be purely straight, but I knew that I would be back in the same situation, as always. I knew being gay was wrong, my dad made sure I thought so with all his negative and hateful comments whenever a gay person showed up on TV. He was publicly vocal against gay rights and same-sex marriage. I enjoyed playing with girls when I was a small child, but my father was onto me the instant I did something girly. In school gay was just a common slur and another word for weak, girly, weird, emotional and so on. I always tried to be as opposite of gay as I could. I had a crush on Kenny in 6th grade. My way to deal with it was to beat him up in a fight and not long after did the feelings for him fade. I never let myself fall for another boy again and intended it to stay that way, until college at least.

Annoyed by the alarm I stepped out of bed. The summer break was over and now I had had to endure two more years in high school. I took a quick shower and blow-dried the hair. I studied my face, while I styled the hair modestly with hair wax. I hadn't gotten much browner during summer, but at least I wasn't pale. I found myself to look rather good. The girls had commented my ice blue eyes many times and I had to agree with them. I realized time was running out, so I put on some ordinary jeans and a T-shirt before I ran down to the kitchen and made a sandwich. All my clothes were modest and normal so that people didn't find me hot, ugly, gay or different. To look casual was all I cared about when it came to dressing myself. I managed to devour the sandwich before I met up with Clyde. He lived three minutes away from me and every day we walked together to school. The slightly shorter brunette stood in front of the driveway, dressed in blue jeans and a red baseball jacket with white sleeves. I was greeted with an arm around my neck. Clyde was talkative as usual, but I did not find much interest in hearing his thoughts about the latest Game of Thrones episode. I did barely even watch the show. He changed subject to school and talked about his plans for the year.

“We totally need to get laid. You cannot be virgin as a senior. A third of the boys in our grade have already scored”. I hated talking about sex. It brought up the wrong kind of thoughts and emotions

“Well, maybe you would get some pussy if you didn't yearn so badly after Bebe. You will get nowhere with her”. The brunet did not fancy my words, but they were true. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t move on. I knew they had kissed, but she only did it when she wanted something from him, like discounted shoes from his father store.

“I don’t understand why you haven't done it yet? I mean there are lots of girls that are interested in you, like Lola. I mean you used to hang out with her from time to time”. It was not the first time he had brought her up. She was a nice girl, but I never felt anything special for her. I mostly made out with her and sometimes took her home, just to make sure that people and my dad did not start suspecting that I was gay.

“She looks good, but that’s about it. I don’t have feelings for her, so it would not be fair for me to have sex with her”. It was true and I thought it was a good excuse, but Clyde did not agree.

“Lol, since when did you become such gentlemen? You don’t have to love a girl to have sex with her”. That was true. Why did he have to be so annoying?

“Just shut up. I have sex with whoever I want, it's none of your business”. I began to walk faster so that the conversation could come to an end faster.

“Okay, you do what you want, but people might start thinking you are gay or that your dick is not working”. Clyde gave me a soft punch on the arm and smiled. I felt how defensive I become by his words. Maybe he was right

“I'm not a fag and nothing is wrong with my dick, now shut it”.

We arrived at school soon after and met Token at our lockers. We had not seen him in a month because his rich family had decided to go on a long trip to Europe.  
“Hello guys,” the black youth said before Clyde threw himself into his arms.

“I have missed you so much. Glad to have you back,” the brunette said and freed his grip of Token.

“Nice to see you,” I said and gave him an ordinary hug.

“Nice to see you too, I just heard from Nichole that there is going to be a new kid in our class”. I did not really care, I just hopped it would be some random uninteresting person. Clyde was unsurprisingly more interested than me.

“Nice, let us see if he is some friend material. If he is, we better befriend him before Stans little gang before and his guys take him”. I did not want any new kid hanging around with us. It would only change things up and change was the opposite of what I wanted.

“You don’t even know if it's a he. Why do you need someone new? Are you tired of me and Token?”

“No, I just think it could be fun with one more. Four is a more practical number than three”.

“I agree,” Token said and closed his locker. I did not push the subject further. The new kid was most likely a twirp anyway.

Almost everybody was in the classroom when I entered it. I noticed an unknown blond guy sitting in the middle of the front row, talking to Wendy. We went to our usual spot at the back of the room.

“Silence, please! I know you all have a lot to talk about, but you will get plenty of time for that later. I hope you all have had a good summer. Before we continue with information for this semester, I would like to introduce our new student Tweek Tweak”. The blond boy with the silly name stood up in front of the class.

“Hi everyone. My family moved here from San Francisco, California. This time town seems cool and I hope to get to know you all” he said confidently and sat down on his chair. To me, he looked and talked like a typical big city douche. He had a smug on his beautiful face. My mind shut down and the body went stiff of the realization of what I just had thought.

“Dudes! We definitely should give him a shoot”. I did barely hear Clyde’s whisper and I wanted to shout “Never!”, but I remained silent. My eyes remained on the window for the rest of Mr Mackey's introduction.

Class ended. Token and Clyde saw their chance when Tweek was alone at his locker. I did not bother to follow them and instead organized my locker.

“Hi, Craig” Butters said with his innocent voice. I turned around and greeted the thinner and shorter blond. “So how was your summer” he continued.

“It was good, thanks for asking”. I wanted to be alone and ask him to leave, but I also did not want to be a dick to him. Instead, I asked him about his summer and let him rumble about it, while I tried to gather my scattered thoughts. I noticed Token and Clyde heading back to their lockers, which were next to me. Butters noticed it too.

“Well see you at practice on Wednesday,” he said and left. I hadn't checked when the track and field practice would start this semester, but I already looked forward to it.

“Good news Craig,” Token said. Both of them were smiling.

“One, he is cool. Two, he will join us for lunch,” Clyde continued.

“Do you guys have a boner for him or why do you act like horny fags around him”. I was pissed and wanted nothing to do with that guy. The frustration rose by the realization that the guy who I had never spoken to made me behave like a dick to my friends. Token looked concerned, while Clyde’s facial expression showed disappointment and irritation.

“Why so negative Craig? You don't even know him,” Clyde said.

“I don't want to know him,” I said blankly.

Clyde sighed. “Well we want to, so please drop your attitude towards him,” he said and walked to next class.

“Is everything alright?” Token asked and put a hand on my shoulder. No, things were not all right, but I did not want to tell him why. Token was always so observant, but thankfully he never pushed his concerns hard.

“It's nothing, I’m just tired”.

“That's good, but if it was anything, you know you can talk to me right,” he said and took his hand off my shoulder. If he knew what went on in my head, he would not have said it. He probably would stop talking to me if I told him.

“I know”. I gave him a half-hearted smile and went to class.

The next two classes passed as normal. I noticed that Tweek talked and hang around Wendy and her friends during the classes. I hoped he would continue doing so at lunch and if I could decide, forever. To my disappointment, he ended up sitting at our table.

“So how come you moved here,“ Clyde asked.

“My father and mother was burned out by all work and wanted to move to a calmer town. My dad was always a coffee freak, so they bought the coffee shop here”. I found my gaze nailed to his emerald coloured eyes. I had never seen such pure and intense green colour before. Our eyes met and I quickly looked back at my plate.

“Sucks for you I guess. Being forced to move so far away from your school and friends,” Token said, while he grabbed some pasta with his fork.

“I guess so. Hopefully, I get some new friends here,” he said and smiled.

“Well you can consider us your friends,” Clyde said and put his arm around the green-eyed guy. He formed a smug half-smile.

“Thank you guys, you seem pretty chill”. I barely listened to the rest of their conversation. Instead, I focused on my food so I could get away from the self-absorbed douche as fast as possible.

“Any plans after school?” Clyde asked Tweek.

“I will help my parents at the coffee shop today and tomorrow. There is a lot of stuff that needs to be done now when it just opened." Clyde looked slightly disappointed.

“Why don’t we all hang out and play some Wii at my place, Wednesday evening,” Token asked. “Yes, after my football practice. Around 18:30 so I can grab some food first” Clyde said with newfound hope.

“I have track and field practice to 17:30, but I have nothing planned after it,” Tweek said. I squeezed my cutlery hard enough for my hands to turn red.

“Oh, nice. With Craig than, he is also into athletics” Token said and glanced at me.

“Cool, so what are you specializations,” the blonde said with his face turned to me.

“Long jump, but I also run 100 meters and compete in high jump”. I didn't look at him while saying it rapidly.

“He is the state champion in long jump and 100 meters. He even qualified for the national competition in Florida,” Clyde filled in.

“Oh, then you are hella good. I would also have gone there if I didn't become sick”. I noticed how the confidence in his facial expression dropped for a microsecond when he said the last part. Why was I unable to stop looking at his face?

“So you are also a serious athlete? Maybe you get some competition this year Craig,” Clyde said teasingly. I wanted to throw the plate on the smug blond's calm face. Not only had he invaded our group, I was also going to have to see him every at every track and field practice. My intention to have no interaction with him seemed to be doomed. Tweek looked down at what I supposed was his phone. I hoped it was his parents texting him how they no longer could stand this godforsaken Town and had to move back.

“Sorry guys, but Wendy wants to see me before class. See you later.”

“Can I have your number before you go,” Token asked.

“Sure”. Tweek took Tokens phone and wrote his number.

“Send it to me,” Clyde said right after Tweek left.

“I might be stupid, but what does hella mean?” Token asked with a quizzical face.

“Wow, so I know something you don’t. I watched a reality show where there were some people from San Francisco. The word basically means very or really,” Clyde said grinningly. I had no idea what the word meant and I already found it annoying.

“Sounds stupid if you ask me,” I said bluntly. Both Clyde and Token sighed.

“Man you are hopeless. He is chill and takes running as serious as you. I don't see any reason to why you wouldn't want to be his friend” Clyde said. To try to become his friend seemed like an awful idea to me. I looked into Clyde hazel brown eyes, which matched his hair color almost perfectly.

“I don’t want to be his friend. He is a typical shallow and fake big city dude, end of story”. I wondered why Tweek had to make everything so difficult for me? My friends exchanged concerned glances between each other.

“Well he is going to hang out with us, so you just have to deal with it,” Clyde said firmly. We all left for class.

* * *

**Wednesday**

When I came to the locker room Butters and Tweek sat next to each other and talked. They both said hello when they noticed my entry.

“Hi butters,” I said, not acknowledging Tweeks hi. Butter looked confused. My eyes met Tweek's green ones for a second. He looked calm as always. I hated it. I hated that I couldn't read what he really thought or felt about me. Did I care what he thought about me? Tweek grabbed his water bottle and stood up. He gave me a quick glance before he looked downwards and formed a smug half-smile. He went out, which left Butters and me alone.

“So what is up with you and Tweek” Butters asked.

“Nothing. I just want nothing to do with him,” I could have stopped at nothing. For some reason I said more than I needed to. He made me feel so much and I didn’t even know him. I was sure that he was trouble though.

“I seem to be a nice guy ”

“You don’t know him. You have talked with him for like ten minutes. He is fake and all he cares about is himself”. I struggled to keep my voice steady

“Something wrong?” He looked concerned. Why did everyone think I wasn't okay? I felt frustrated and slammed my locker.

Butters looked nervously at me. I calmed down and put on my shoes.

“Nothing is wrong, just a bit too much going on at the moment, I guess”.

I saw a Butters lips form a small smile.

“Well let's go out and run till we get so tired that we are unable to think.” I let out a quiet laugh.

“Yes, sounds like a good idea,” I said and we walked out.

  
The sports stadium was one of the few places I felt relaxed. I could focus on the movement of my body and push away all the troublesome thought that ran around in my head. We were the last to show up. It was only 14 people there, us included.

“Hello, boys” our coach Mr. Rolinsky said with his polish accent. I said hi back and sat down.

“So first of all, we have a new person joining this season. You are very welcome Tweek.” I glanced over at him as he reached his hand up. He had a white tank top and black shorts that ended halfway up his thighs. He didn't have any armpit hair, I wondered if he shaved or just didn't have any.  
The warm-up began and I ran for myself. Usually, I talked to Butters during warm up, but he ran alongside Tweek. After the warm-up, we split up into two groups, long distant runners, and short distance runner. Butters, who mostly ran 800 and 1500 meter joined the former group. In my group were Tweek, Annie, a sophomore and a senior. We were instructed to move to the other side of the track. The others moved away faster than me. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“It seems like you will get some competition this year Tucker. You know that he jumped 7.06 last spring?” Mr Rolinsky said. He referred to Tweek and of course, he had jumped over 7 meters. As if it was not bad enough to have him at my practice and around my friends, he had to be fucking better than me.

“Hopefully he can spur you to jump over 7 meters,” he continued

“I will do it, no matter if he is here or not,” I said firmly.

“Haha. I never doubted that, but it's always good to have someone ahead of you. Someone that force you to give that little extra”

He was probably right, but as long as that someone was Tweek, I would rather prefer not to have anyone ahead of me. The training start went okay. I had trained a lot during summer so my body felt great. Later into the training, we had to do short 30-meter sprints from starting blocks. Tweek ended up beside me. He looked relaxed when he put his feet on the block. I noticed how defined his leg muscles were. I felt a great need to beat him and I was determined to do so.

“On your mark, get set, GO!”

I ended up behind at the start and I did not catch up to Tweek before the finish. Our recovery was the walk back to the blocks. The next two laps went the same way. He was just faster in reaction and acceleration. My frustration rose and I began to lose focus as my thoughts were on the blond boy. The fourth race went even worse than the others. I even lost to the senior after a horrible start due to my split focus. Tweak stopped a bit further forward and our eyes met on his way back. He gave me his typical half-smile righter before he passed me. My overheated frustration and anger boiled over. I pushed him in the chest with all my force. He fell backwards on his back and his head slammed hard into the ground.

“Tucker!” I heard coach scream angrily.

I closed my eyes and wished that I magically got transported somewhere far away. I was disappointed and angry that I was unable to control my frustration. I hated how Tweek made me behave and feel the way I did. I opened my eyes when I felt an arm on my shoulders.

“It's okay, we are just messing with each other.” Tweek, the boy with the arm around my neck, said to the coach who was right in front of us. He looked at us assertive and said “I will let it be this time, but I if see anything similar you will be suspended from practice. I’m clear?”

“Yes, sir,” we both said and the coach walked away muttering. I didn't understand why he saved him. I had been nothing but an ignorant dick to him. I felt how my breath got a deeper and a warm feeling inside me grew. I shook off his arm, the cause of my sudden feelings, and walked back to the rest of the group. Annie looked at me judgmentally.

“How are you?” She kid asked the blond one.

“It's okay, just some pain in the back of my head. It will probably go away soon” he said and smiled. The rest of the practice was different strength exercises. Butter ran up to me when I was on my way to the locker-room

“Why did you push him?” he asked bluntly. Peopled never seemed to give me a break.

“I don't know, It just happened,” I said and sighed. Butters looked concerned.

“Well, there is anything the bothers you, you can always talk to me." He smiled shyly. I did not know why everyone was so concerned about me. Why did even Butter tell me I could speak to him? We weren't friends, we barely spoke to each other outside of practice.

“It’s fine, thanks,” I said quietly.

Inside the locker room, the smug boy had already taken off his shirt and revealed his defined chest muscles. I tried to keep my eyes away from the abs that almost formed a six-pack. He pulled down his pants and grabbed his towel. I looked away, but my eyes returned. Our eyes met and he gave me his arrogant half-smile before I looked away. I felt how my checks turned redder and I got frustrated at myself for looking at him and getting caught doing so. It felt like my stomach had a tickling hole that was devouring me from the inside. I felt a sudden urge to bury my formed fist in the blonde’s pretty face. I waited till Tweek went out of the shower before I went in because being naked with him in the shower room would only end disastrously.  
When I got out of the shower Tweek was all dressed up. Our eyes met and he lowered them slightly for a second.

“I guess I see you later Craig,” he said calmly as if we were friends. I mumbled something barely audible as response and turned my face to the bag.

“Bye, everyone. I talk to you later” he said to Butters with his smug face. Everyone seemed to fall for it. He will probably shallowly befriend everyone, as every big city snob does. The room went silent. I put my clothes on and was the last person to leave. I questioned if going to Token was a good idea. I really did not want to see Tweek, but at the same time, I could not stop hanging out with my only friends.

I began my around 12 min walk home in what was sunny and warm late August evening. After around 3 minutes I reached the bridge and to my surprise the San Francisco boy stood at the railing and looked at the river flowing beneath him. The low standing sun made the colors in his calm face warmer. His eyes shimmered and the sun rays made white highlights in his hair. I stood still and watched him, perplexed by his beauty. He noticed my presence and turned his face to me. He said hi and gave me a smile. I felt trapped and uncomfortable. I tried to walk past him and not acknowledge his existence.

“Wait,” he said with his soft voice and to my disappointment, I stopped.

“What do you want?” I spat out.

“You obviously have some kind of problem with me. When I’m around you are getting all emotional and behave like a dick,” he said flatly.

How could he say that me, Craig Tucker, was emotional? I was the opposite of emotional and everyone knew it. I tried to hide my frustration because I didn’t want to prove him right since he was wrong. It was just he that made me lose grip of my emotions and I hated it.

“I don’t give a shit about you and I want nothing to do with you,” I said firmly. He looked at me in silence for a few seconds.

“I don’t have to show up at Token this evening if you don’t want to?” Why did he even care about what I thought?

“Why are you nice to me? Why did you bail me out at practice? Why do ask me if you should hang out with Token? You should hate me.”

“Hating people is boring and only hurt yourself in the end. It’s clearly something that is hurting you and I somehow trigger it. You should just say it out loud." Great, yet another person that wants me to talk about my problems.

“I don’t need your pity. Just leave me alone” I said and walked away. I would not take any of this shit anymore. Tweek did not say anything nor did he try to follow me.

At home, dinner was already ready. We ate it mostly in silence because no one in our family was chatty. My mum asked how practice went and I responded that it went fine, no follow up question. When I had eaten up the food, it was 15 min left till I was supposed to be at Token's place. I thanked mum for the food and went out to my bike. Token lived at edge of the Town in south parks largest house. Clyde called it the mansion.

I texted Token that I was outside his house, but it was Clyde who opened the door.

“Hi, how are you doing?” He was cheerful as usual. A trait I liked for the most, but apparently not this time.

“I’m fine,” I said short.

“Good. I’m fine too, thanks for asking,” he said sarcastically. I went in and took off the shoes.

“Tweek is already here, we are playing Mario."

“Mmh! I hoped he couldn’t come,“ I said blankly, unsure of why I said it. Clyde stood still and grabbed my arm, preventing me from walking to Token’s own living room.

“Don’t be an ass, please,” he said low, almost defeated.

“Whatever.”

Token and Tweak both sat on the couch with Wii controllers in the hand.

“Hey dude,” the dark-skinned boy said and showed his shiny white teeth.

I said hi and sat down in the armchair to the right, while Clyde took the one to the left

“You better step it up bro, Tweek is winning”, Clyde said. He was indeed winning and Token threw the controller at the floor when the loss was confirmed.

“Dude, are you sure you never played this game before?”

“Yes, just beginner luck I guess.”

“A natural talent,” Clyde said and picked up the controller from the floor.

My eyes wandered to Tweek, while Token watched Clyde struggled against the blond. What was so special about him? What it was that made me want to both punch him and be close to him?

“Fuck,” Clyde shouted as he crossed the finish line after Tweek.

“Only Craig left to beat”, he said and walked with the controller to me. I woke up from my thoughts and grabbed it. I was focused and had no intentions to lose. I was surprised that he made me want to win the game so badly. I never really cared about winning when I played with Clyde and Token.

Two laps in and I were in the lead with Tweek just behind. He managed to get into the lead after a red shell hit me at a bad spot. Close to the finish, I managed to sneak past him, just to hear the sound of the blue spiny shell. I lost.

“Unlucky Craig” Token said

“Wow, I guess you are the Mario master now Tweek,” Clyde said.

“I would not have succeeded without your amazing introduction to the game.” Could Clyde’s smile get any bigger?

“So Tweek. Any girl at school that interest you? You seemed to have become good friend with Wendy and Bebe”

“Haha I don’t know, Wendy and Bebe are cool.”

“The girls think you hot as fuck if Nichole’s words are to be trusted,” Token said.

“Which they are. You probably can get any girl you want,” Clyde said and tried to sound convincing. The blond half-smiled and put away his controller.

“I don’t know about that guys”

“Don’t be so humble. You should not try anything with Bebe though. Clyde never seems to get over her." Clyde frowned irritated at Token. His facial expression and body language were always so telling of what he felt and thought.

“Don’t worry guys, I’m not into girls anyway,” the blond said casually. My eyes widened and I felt the panic grow.

“Oh, so you are gay?” Clyde said and locked surprised.

“As gay as it gets." His confidence didn't crumble

“Well, that’s cool, thanks for telling. We have no problem with that,” Token said with emphasis on the last part.

“Yes, we are totally fine with that, right Craig?” Clyde glared at me, probably afraid I would say something inappropriate. Did he think I was a homophobe?

I just stared at them, unable to grasp what just happened. Tweek was gay and they just accepted it as nothing? Did they tell him that just to be nice or was it really not a big deal for them? I was confused and felt how parts of me broke down. I was losing control. Was I okay with Tweek being gay? No, it’s the worst thing that could have happened, but a small part of me said the opposite. I felt trapped and needed to get away. So I decided to leave.

“Whatever,” was all I managed to say before I stood up on my feet.

“Where are you going?” Clyde asked with a hard voice as if he already knew and disliked the reasons for my departure. I stopped at the doorway

“Home, I can’t stand to be in the same room as a fag,” I said harshly and left. I was surprised by my own words. Where did they come from?

Clyde stormed down the stairs, as I put on my shoes in the hallway. Judging by the look on his face, this was one of the few times I thought he would beat me up.

“Have you lost it? How can you say that to him right after what he said?” I had no idea. I guess I hated him. I didn’t answer

“You better apologize to Tweek if you still want us to be friends." His voice cracked a bit, it looked as if he was about to cry.

“Then I guess we are not friends anymore”. I had lost it. Did I just say I didn’t need my friends? What was I doing? It felt like I was on autopilot and was unsure if I wanted to grab the control back.

“Don’t say that Craig”. Gone was his anger, instead, he looked wan and shaky.

“Have fun with the fag.” My voice was indifferent as if I didn’t give two shits about the hurt boy in front of me. He lit up in fury

“Fuck you and fuck your homophobic father for this,” he said behind my back as I walked out. I flipped him off.

On the way home I took out the frustration of random objects. I hit trees and kicked stones. I hated life, I hated everything and I hated the blond smug.

“Already home,” my mum said as I entered our house.

“Yes,” was all I said before I rushed up to my room and closing the door. I laid down on the bad and buried the face in mattresses.

That clock was 10 pm and all I did was looking up at the roof, hoping it would fall over me. I was apathetic. The phone rang in my pocket. It was Token. I just started on the screen, unsure of what to do.

“Hi."

“Hey, how are you?”.

“Shit!” I think it was one of the very few times I didn't give an automatic "fine" as an answer.

“I see. I probably should tell how you are an intolerant dickhead and ask you to go hell or something”

“You probably should”. I was pathetic and ruined the few things I had going for me in life. I deserved everything, every hateful word that can be uttered.

“But I'm not going to do that. You know that we are your friends no matter what, but you can’t go on like this. You just have to man up and deal with whatever your problem is and most importantly, apologize to Tweek”. I felt the tears trying to breach through the long-sealed tear channels, but they didn’t.

“You are too good of a person”.

“You are a good person too, you are just bad at showing it. After Tweek left, Clyde started to cry on my shoulder. He cares about you and what you said really hurt him. Try not to make it worse, okay?” I wasn’t surprised to hear that Clyde had cried. He did it over a lot of things and usually made it me uncomfortable since crying was not something a real guy should do. I didn’t care that Clyde cried because of me. Why didn’t I care? He had been my best friend since preschool and now I was indifferent to the possibility of losing him.

“Bye Token”

“Take care of you." I hung up.

A picture of Tweek, the boy who caused all of this, formed in my mind. I felt something and It wasn’t hatred

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is focused on Craigs POW, and Tweek as well ofc. You who are a fan of Kyle will not get disappointed.


	2. Craig 2: Tell Me This Night Is Over

_Maybe you all would consider it a joke_

_If I say that I hate myself_

_But now and then_

_When I look into the mirror_

All _I see is a big mistake_

* * *

**Thursday**

I didn't walk to school with Clyde or sat with him and Token at our usual spot in the classroom. I didn’t even speak to the cry-baby during our morning classes.

When I came to the cafeteria the three already sat together at our usual table. Due to what happened yesterday, I felt that I neither could nor wanted to sit with them. My options were limited, so I reluctantly sat down at Stan’s table next to Cartman, whose grease hazel coloured hair shined disturbingly. “What do you think you are doing,” Cartman asked snidely. Kyle looked surprised and Stan frowned, while Kenny didn’t seem to care.

”I sit where I want, not like I want to sit with you anyway.”

“So why do you sit with us then?” Stan asked and brushed his black fringe to the right.

“None of your business,” I said flatly.

“Well then you can pick your stuff and move over to Kevin and the other dorks,” the brown-haired said.

“Knock it off fat ass,” Kyle said. The large guy mumbled something about Jews.

“So is Tweek the reason you can’t sit with them?” Stan asked while he glanced at the table where I usually sat.

“What part of, I don’t want to talk about it, do you not understand,” I said huffily.

“It’s obvious guys. They ditched Craig for the new guy, a good move if you ask me. Seriously, who wants to hang out with this negative bitch?”.

“Drop it or leave,” Stan said firmly to the large boy in front of him.

“Stan you know it's true, you are just mad that Wendy has a female boner for Tweek and hangs around him like a 13-year-old fangirl”. Kenny chuckled at the comment and brushed his blond fringe away from the eyes. Stan looked tense and glared at the brunette, while Kyle's face expressed annoyance. The last thing I wanted was being in the middle of a fight between those guys.

“He is a fag,“ I said bluntly. Kyle dropped his fork. Stan calmed down and gave Kyle a concerned glance.

“Guys, we have to get Tweek to hang out with us,” Cartman said and broke the silence.

“Why?” Stan asked before he could continue.

“Just listen to me guys. The girls like him, okay? So if we hanging out with him, then the girls are going to want to be with us. But since he is gay, they will let out all their sexual frustration that he causes on us”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “That is not how it works,” Stan said.

“Yes, it is. Right, Kenny?” The blond looked at him and then at Stan.

“Well girls like hot gays and I have heard them speak about him, but it’s not like any girl want you anyway fatso”.

“Hey you poor shit, I’m not fat. I’m just big boned and have a lot of muscles. You are just jelly because you are as skinny as a drug addict.” I felt itchy and I didn’t understand why everyone wanted to be friends with Tweek after they knew he was gay.

“God Cartman, what is wrong with you?” Stan asked

“Man, just see the possibilities. He can help you get back with Wendy. She is all over him. He can just put in some good words for you or tell you what Wendy wants”

Stan looked like he was about arguing back, but remained silent.

“Good. All gays care about is sex, so all that is needed to make him hang out with us, is that our whore Kenny gives him a BJ”

“What the fuck dude, do it yourself,” the blond said dismissively

“You gave a senior a BJ for a bottle of vodka. Stop pretending that you are not a whore” Cartman said and looked with raised eyebrowns at Kenny. I did not hear what the blond mumbled as a reply. I was not even sure if Cartman was serious. It wouldn’t have surprised me do.

“It’s a stupid idea. Why do you even assume he wants Kenny to suck him off and why would that make him want to hang out with us,” Kyle said. I was always annoyed by his constant know-it-all attitude

“Kyle. I know that you desperately want to blow him and then stand on all four, while you beg him to bang you. But he is way out of your league. You would only scare him away”. Cartman’s disturbingly graphic words made Kyle blush for some reason.

“I promise that I will kill you someday Cartman,” the redhead said and laid his head between his arms on the table.

“Well I’m sure we can befriend him in some other way,” Stan said. Kyle grunted.

"I can't believe you are stupid enough to listen to Cartman. Oh wait, I actually can." Stan just rolled his eye at the redhead. 

“Stop act like you don’t want to hang out with him Kyle,” the fat boy said teasingly. I had enough of their bullshit, so I left without a word and when the fat boy shouted my name, I just flipped them off behind my back.

 

I leaned against the lockers and stared with a blank mind on at the wall. The hallway was almost empty. I had trouble to understand why everyone was so cool with Tweek being gay. I wondered if they had nothing against gay or it was just something special with him. When my thoughts became clouded with the blond, he appeared at the end of the hallway. 

“Hey," he said blithely. I kept my eyes on the wall and hoped he would just walk away, because of some reason I was unable to do it myself. He walked in front of me, standing just half a meter away.

“Why did you not sit with us?” His voice was soft and his question confused me. Wasn’t it obvious?

“Clyde wouldn’t have let me and I didn’t want to.”

“That's not true. Sure you were a dick yesterday, but they are still your friends”.

“Can you stop pretend that you care about me?” The frustration flew out with my words. I was annoyed by how he always made me lose my composure.

“Here,” he said and held out a small piece of folded paper. I just stared at it.

“Why?” was as all I managed to say.

“Because I know it can be hard to be,” he glanced to the right and left, then lowered his voice, “to be gay”

My eyes went wide and felt how all sort of emotions boiled over inside me. I grabbed him by the collar and slammed him hard against the lockers. He did not even flinch. His face was the same, just a bit firmer and serious rather than carefree. I breathed heavy and began to calm down, but my grip on him was still firm. 

“Craig! Let him go,” I heard Clyde shout from the end of the corridor. He and Token walked rapidly to us. Their faces told me, that they did not fancy me pushing up their new friend against to lockers. I released my grip on Tweek as the two pissed guys reach us.

“What is wrong with you,” Clyde yelled and pushed me against the locker. We stared at each other. I could tell he was hurt behind all the anger on his face. Probably disappointed at me for being such a miserable example of a human being. Token asked Tweek if he was okay and looked at me. He didn’t look angry, but rather disappointed. A big disappointment was all I was, to my father, to my mum, to my friends, to everyone and to myself. I cursed the universe for the timing of which it decided that Token and Clyde would enter the corridor. I cursed myself for being so bad, bad at living life. I would hide in the locker and pretend the world didn’t exist if it had been possible. Instead, all the frustration inside me turned into anger, because real men didn’t cry.

I hit him, my friend. The anger vanished as my first retracted from Clyde’s face. His expression shifted from surprised to fury.

“Fuck you,” he yelled before he hit me just under my eye and at the edge of the nose. The physical pain was non-existent compared to how it felt inside, the panic.

“Stop,” Token yelled and stepped between us. Clyde gave me a kick on the calf before he walked, almost run, away. Token hand was on my chest and for the first time ever he seemed genuinely enraged.

“Fuck,” he said and gave a quick, but hard push with his hand. He walked away after Clyde, leaving me with only Tweek and a number of distant spectators. The green eyes priced through me, but he didn’t say anything. He made a humming sound and slowly walked away. I kicked someone's locker with full force. There wasn’t a chance I would go to class after what just happened, so I grabbed my bag and some textbooks, then went home.

 

* * *

  **Sunday**

 

I hadn’t done anything the entire weekend, except for studying math. Trying to solve differential equations was relaxing and kept the thoughts of my friends and the blond boy away. It was a boring weekend and I wasn't good at entertaining myself. It was always Clyde that called me and asked if I wanted to hang out at his or Tokens place, or something else. I thought it was impossible for him to be alone, but I liked his company. He was a constant that made everything easy and predictable. I let out an agonizing sound when my memory of the week played in front of my eyes.

The food was mums spaghetti bolognese. It tasted so different from the one in school or when I ate it at a friends house, which basically was Clyde and sometimes Token. I wanted to learn the secret recipe before I moved out.

“So I heard you got a new boy in your class Craig,” my father said with a deep voice

“Yes” I hoped it would end with only that, but I was wrong.

“I also heard he is perverted?” I felt an urge to leave the table, but I kept my indifferent mask on and just stared at the food. I didn’t get how he already knew it, but I wasn’t surprised.

“Yes”

“I don't want you to hang around with him or talk to him.” I looked up and stared at his intimidating face.

“Why would I ever talk to a disgusting fag, if he tries to even speak to me he will end up bleeding on the floor.” My voice was firm and my eyes didn’t flinch. He looked surprised for a moment before he let out a laugh. I can’t remember the last time he smiled or laughed, even if it just was for a second.

“Well that’s the spirit, but you shouldn't leave visible marks on him. The schools sadly defend perverts nowadays and we don’t want you to get expelled.” He looked proud. The only time I can remember him doing that was after I won two golds at the state championship. I felt disgusting.

“Thomas,” my mother yelled and glared at him.

“Women! Only use violence in self-defense or something,” he grunted.

Mother glanced at me with worried blue eyes and pursed pink lips. I looked at my sister and she just frowned with her head slightly tilted. I wanted to puke. I ate up the food fast in silence and then rushed up to my room

I took out and unfolded the wizened paper. I added the number to a new contact named smug.

ME [18:27]: _Hi! /Craig_  

SMUG [18:30]: _Hey, nice to hear from you. How are you doing?_

I felt shit. Everything was shit and I didn’t know how to survive two years in high school without friends while living under my father’s roof. I was just waiting till I could start living my own life, free from everything that held me back.

ME [18:35]: _I don’t know_

 _SMUG_ [18:38]: _I know it’s hard. It wasn’t even carefree to be gay in San Francisco. You should not let go of your friends though because everyone needs someone. I can stay away from Token and Clyde if that makes it easier or your._

I still didn’t get why he was nice to me. Maybe he wasn’t a bad person after all. I felt a bit of joy and lust before the alarm in my brain went off. The panic spread throughout the nerves to every part of my body

 ME [18:47]: _Don’t talk to me pervert_

Frustrated I threw the phone near my feet. I didn’t want to see the answer. I didn't get why I wrote it, why did I hate him? He wasn't a bad person. I was a bad person, the worst one possible and now I was all alone. Alone with self-hatred and lies. 

The rest of the evening I watched Ricky and Morty in a try to keep my thoughts from running wild. It worked decently well. I brushed my teeth and look forward to sleep. When I by instinct grabbed my phone to set the alarm, I saw the message.

SMUG [18:56]: _Don’t wait too long, life isn’t endless and neither are people's patience_

I stared at the letters, trying to understand exactly what he said. The panic once again blossomed up and I put the phone away. Mentally exhausted, I eventfully managed fell asleep.

* * *

 

_I hope that someone's gonna call_

_And tell me this night is over_

_'Cause I wanna start living my life_

_Before I get much older_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the longest and defninetly not the best chapter. I have written a lot on chapters that are closer to the end of the story, so it why this small chapters took it's time. Next chapter is a Tweek one. If you are observant you can already now figure out what the last Craig chapter will be namned.
> 
> I will probably uppdate rather slow untill mid januar. After my exams i will write a lot faster, but it will be finished. It will be long and hopefully you will also find it great.


	3. Tweek 0: The day it all changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for late update. The next chapter,Tweek 1 will be long and published on/around the 20 of Januar. I'm in exam period so I have much time at all atm :( But I decided this make this so you don't have to wait too long. Hope you enjoy it.

_It was warm spring morning, not a cloud in the sky. I wore white shorts that were folded twice and showed a quarter of the thighs. The T-shirt was a bit too long black shirt and around my wrist was a slim wristband of leather. I stood by the mirror and warmed up the wax with swift back and forward hand movements. It was a struggle to tame the thick and messy blow-dried hair. After a few minutes, I managed to put the fringe up to my right, away from the eyes. I studied my reflection in the mirror and I find myself to look really good. Something I had done a lot recently. I even felt genuinely confident. With a big smile, I said goodbye to dad and mum began working at seven so she was already gone. He smiled back at me behind the newspaper. I knew how happy it made him see me smile, a real smile. There weren’t many of them in the past._

_Outside the sunrays felt good on my slightly tanned skin. I felt energized and almost jumped with every step I took. I felt excited, so happy and I didn’t really know why. I guess it was cause I finally felt like a real member of Zed’s group of friends. Just the thought of him made the corners of my mouth to spread apart. The boy I had woken up next to yesterday. I wished I could have slept with him more often, but the few times we did, they were the greatest moments in life. I loved him, but I knew he just wanted to be friends that sometimes did gay stuff in secret._

_At school, I met up with Zed, my best friend. I wished I could give him a kiss, but I knew I wasn’t allowed to do it with people around._

_“Hi!” I said when found him alone at his locker._

_“Hey!” He said before I gave him a one-armed hug. He felt stiffer than usual and barely hugged me back as he used to. I stepped back, his eyes were stuck on the ground. He looked different._

_“How are you?” My mood switched as my mind tried to figure out why he was all distant and low._

_“Nothing dude. See you in class. I will just talk to Kelly about a thing. Okay?” He still didn’t look at me. I didn’t understand what was wrong._

_“Oh, yes sure. See you” He looked up at me and gave me a half-hearted smile before he walked away. I calmed down a notch. I had learned to not to always expect the worst as I did when I was younger. It was still 10 min till class and I didn’t really have anything to do, more than to hope Zara would come soon. Beside Zed, she was my favorite member in the group. She had been friendly to me before Zed let me hang out with them. Kelly and Mark were more eccentric persons that liked to mess around with others. It took a while for me to feel relaxed around them and theirs on the edge humor. I had never gotten close to any of them and I been alone with them as I could be with Kelly._

_A few minutes later Zara showed up. She was dressed in a knee-long blue skirt and a white tank top. Her eyes were on the phone, on which she was writing something._

_“Hey Zara, how are you? I said as she walked past me._

_“Oh hi, Tweek. I have to do a thing, see you in class.” She didn’t smile or gave me a hug as she used to. My anxiety rose as stared at her disappearing back, something was wrong. More people entered the school. I noticed how some people, mostly other sophomores, were looking strangely at me. Some grinned as they whispered to each other. I was unable to think and worry felt like a stone in my gut. Mark appeared next to me, by his locker that was next to mine._

_“Hey,” I said with low voice._

_“Don’t talk to me,” he said firmly, almost aggressive as he put his bag in the locker. I just stared at him as he took out the textbook and walked away. I was confused and in panic know what was going on. My heartbeats pounded loudly as I fled to class._

_When I entered the classroom I sat down beside Zed as usual. He didn’t look at me or said anything. The anxiety stroke hard, but I remained silent, trying not to think or feel. I noticed how other glanced at me, whispering while watching something on the phone. I starred in my biology book and tried to focus, but I was unable to. My eyes wandered to Zed, but he just kept reading. He hadn’t said anything to me during the class. I wanted to scream, ask what the hell was going on, but I sat quite till the class ended._

_Zed, Kelly and Zara rushed out as the bell rang. I just watched them leave, stuck in my chair. I didn’t want to leave. I stayed till everyone had left before I dared to walk out, hoping it would be too many people by the lockers. When I reached my locker I stopped breathing as I read “FAG” and “PSYHCO”. I looked around, seeing others grinning faces. I took my stuff and rushed to next class. I was in survivor mode, trying to prevent me from breaking down mentally. Chipping for air, I stormed into the empty classroom, besides the two girls that frowned at me. I sat in the back corner, trying to calm down as people began to fill the room. I wondered who wrote, did people knew I was gay? Was that why everyone behaved so weird? The thoughts made it hard to breathe as a shiver went down my spine. I watched how Zara and Zed sat down in the front, wishing I could get their attention. I didn’t get anything done during the class, as I just stared down at the math equations, unable to write down a single digit. I decided to text Zed._

_Tweek [11:40]: Hi! Everything alright?_

_I started on the phone, hoping he would answer. Tell how things are all right and that everything that has happened just a prank of my brain. I hadn’t answered 20 minutes later when the bell rang for lunch. I sat still, staring at the desk and questioning if I even should go to lunch. I remember my therapist words about how you can’t always run from problems s and that you need to face them to move on. Last of everyone I left, walking alone to the cafeteria. While I put food on my plate, I noticed how full the room was, not a single empty table. I looked at the table were Zed and the friends sat. I always sat with them, but at that moment it felt like I couldn’t. I didn’t have any other options so walked with my trail to the table. I stopped next to the table, my eyes were on Zed’s as I stood still waiting for a sign that it was okay for me to sit down. I didn’t get it._

_“Sorry, the table is full.” His eyes were on the food. For the others, I probably looked like a statue, but inside panic was wreaking havoc._

_“You heard him pshyco. Bye-bye,” Kelly said bluntly. I felt dizzy and unable to move or do anything. All I did was looking at Zed. He glanced at me pleadingly. Our interaction got attention from people around us._

_“_ Ooh _, trouble with your boyfriend Zed” the dickhead Jacob said with a smirk. I had hated him since the_ start _of high school. Luckily he was in the parallel class._

_“Shut up idiot,” Zed responded aggressively. Jacob stood up and walked over to Zed, laying his hand on him._

_“I didn’t know you had a thing for psyhcos, maybe you like it wild and crazy in bed” Zed exploded up from the chair and pushed him away. The word psyhco felt like a punch in the stomach_

_“I’m not gay. If I knew he was a pshyco and a fucking fag, we wouldn’t be friends.” He shouted out. All of the cafeterias eyes were on us. Milk poured out on the floor to the sound of shattering glass as I dropped my food tray._

_“Seems like the fagboy doesn’t enjoy your break up,” Jacob said and looked at me smiled triumphantly. My gaze wandered to Zara, but she just looked down. I glanced over at Zed who looked angrily at the ground. I felt how was losing control, wanting to scream and cry. I rushed out of the cafeteria at full speed, into the toilets were I look myself in. Frustrated I hit the cubic with moist eyes._

_I wondered who told people I was gay. The only on how knew was Zed and. I took the phone and wrote a text to Liam. Could it really be him that told people?_

_Tweek [12:20]: Can you talk? Do you know what’s going on?_

_A few minutes later I got a video as a reply. I clicked play and directly knew what it was. It was from when I had an episode at the end of middle school. I didn’t know anyone filmed it. Had everyone seen it? I wanted to disappear from earth and everything to a dark and silent place._

_Tweek [12:34]: Did you share this video with everybody? Did you tell them I was gay?._

_I was shaking as I tried to type down the words._

_Liam [12:45]: I got the video yesterday, but I kind said to one that you were gay. Didn’t know he would tell everyone. Sorry._

_Tweek [12:47]: Why didn’t you tell me?_

_Liam [12:49]: Thought your cool friends would tell you. Seem like they ditched you though. Maybe you know how I felt know?_

_Tweek[12:51]: We are friends. Please_

_I didn’t know what I was begging for, just that something or someone that could save me._

_Liam [12:53]: Oh now you want to be your friend again:(? Sorry but doesn’t work that way._

_The tears start streaming down my cheeks. I guess I kind of stopped hanging out with him after becoming friends with Zed. I felt hopeless and alone. Zed was all I got and then he ditched me in front everyone. I felt an urge to break everything in my sight, but I sat still, crying silently. I was pathetic and had nothing left. I waited till everyone was back at class before I walked out. I grabbed my stuff from the locker and ran home._


	4. Tweek 3: Party in the U.S.A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get hot and rough at the party at Bebe's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I finally got this chapter done. Diffinetly the best so far. I appreciate comments of all sorts.
> 
> It was supposed to be chapters in between. I might ad it later someday, but I felt I need to get this out and that I might have too big plans for this stories when factoring in how busy I'm IRL atm.

**Week 2 Saturday: Tweek POV**

 

“Why did you kiss me?” Kyle asked and looked defeated. The question stunned me.

“Why wouldn’t? You are cute and a great person.” I messed with his hair in a sensually way.

“Because I’m ugly and everyone thinks so.” His words made no sense to me.

“Well I certainly don’t think so, I would actually say you are rather beautiful, “ I said with my sincerest voice,

“What is beautiful with me then?” He looked at me as if I just had told him that the earth was flat. 

“Well your eyes are extremely beautiful, the cloud-grey colour really matches your lightly curled red hair. Your pink lips are just.” I stopped the sentence and leaned in, shifting my gaze from his eyes to his lips back again, “irresistible”. Our lips touched lightly before they spread wider apart to make room for our tongues to rediscover each other’s mouths even deeper than before.

He pulled away, blushing, while his entire face formed a smile. It was impossible to not adore. The smile faded slightly before he said, “In fourth grade, the girls made a list of the guys’ appearance and I was last on it. Girls have never shown much interest in me, so I have always assumed that I was an ugly fucker.” He did not look at me while his words were uttered as if he felt shame. It did hurt me to hear him call himself ugly and to see how much it affected him.

“I’m confident in that you were a cute boy back then, but I can ensure you that the boy in front of me is everything but ugly.” His melancholic face lighted up.

“Thanks,” he said and gave me a quick kiss before he stood up on his feet.

“Shall we go back to the others?” He asked and reached out his hand.

“Sure. Am I allowed to kiss you among the others?” I asked teasingly and grabbed his hand to get back on my feet. He seemed unsure of what to answer.

“Why not. If you can be out, then so can I.” It almost felt like my mouth would break from the force of my smile. It made me really happy to see him smiling with confidence.

“That’s the way to go man”. I put my arm around his shoulders and walked downstairs.

 

“I’m going to look for Stan, so he isn’t choking on his own puke or something,” Kyle said with a rather condescending voice. Sure Stan seemed to have rather unhealthy drinking habits, but the tone of which Kyle spook about Stan sometimes just felt really off. 

“Okay, I will get some more to drink,” I said and went to the kitchen to fill my cup. Butters was sitting at the kitchen table with only his phone for company. I found my bottle of Vodka and opened as Butters noticed my presence.

“Hi, how is with my favourite blond?” I said as I poured vodka and coke into my cup.

“Well Kenny is making out with Annie and Cartman is not just an ass, but a drunken ass. I guess could have a better time.” His elbows were on the table and his cheeks were pushed up while they rested in his hands. 

“You care about him, don’t you?”

“Yes, I thought I would be okay with being only a fuck buddy, but I can’t deny that I have feelings for him. I don’t mind him hooking up with girls, but when he does it in front of me. It hurts a bit and I get kind of jealous or something”. His palms switched position and covered his ocean-blue eyes. I sat down beside him and put my arm around his neck in a try to comfort him.

“Feelings and love can be tough to deal with sometimes. I think your options are to either let things be as they are and hope it turns out all right, or you could tell him how you feel.”

Butters didn’t respond as he instead looked past me. I turned my head to the right and saw Kenny walking towards us.

“Hi, how is it with my little buttercup?” Kenny said and sat down on the other side of the table.

“Hey!” Butters responded shortly.

I watched to see if anyone else were about to make a move into the kitchen.

“Well, I will go check the others,” I said and leaned in to give butter a kiss. He seemed a bit shocked when our lips touched, but he relaxed and let my tongue in for a second or two. I pulled back and looked at Kenny for reactions.

“Kind of hot,” he said with smirked. Not sure if that was the response I wanted.

“Be nice,” I told Kenny, hoping he wouldn’t hurt Butters more.

“I’m not nice, or what are you trying to say?” Kenny tilted his head and looked at me questioning. I didn’t respond, instead, I left him and the blushing Butters.

 

I entered the living room and where Cartman sat in one of the couches with Kyle, explaining how the Jews killed Jesus. Token was with Nicole, with whom he had an intimate non-audible conversation. Clyde sat at the edge of the same couch with his phone in the left hand and a cup in the right. Craig sat in the only armchair and looked up from his phone at me. I gave him a small smile to test his mode. He just looked down at his phone, to my disappointment. It didn’t bother me much though, if at all. I sat down between Cartman and Kyle, saving the later from their conversation. 

“So Tweek. The question that everyone wants to hear the answer to, who is the hottest guy in class?” Cartman said and grabbed a handful of chips.

The question surprised me and the others turned their eyes on me. I noticed how they stiffed up slightly, probably uncomfortable by the question

“I think they are all equally hot in their own unique way.” I tried to avoid giving a serious answer.

“Don’t bullshit us with that SJW answer fag,” he said with chips scraps flying out of his mouth.

“Don’t say that word,” Clyde said and gave him a glare.

“This political correctness is killing all the fun in the world. You don’t mind it Tweek, don’t you?” He said and gave me punch on my shoulder.

“Not in this context, but some people are uncomfortable with the word.” I didn’t really care much. Words are empty without the intentions behind them. 

“Whatever! Just answer the question.” He poured some more chips into his big mouth.

No one challenged his question. Maybe people were interesting to hear who I thought was the hottest. I kind of wanted to say Kyle, but that would have been a lie.

“I guess that would be Craig,” I said bluntly and glanced at Craig to see if it triggered something in him, but his face remained unreadable. Clyde and Token looked surprised and unsure of what they should to with the information. 

Cartman noticed, or at least thought he noticed a disappointment in Kyle’s face.

“Don’t be a sad Jew. Did you really think he would find your ugly face the hottest? I know fags can have some weird taste, but come on,” the large brunet said with an overly condescending voice.

“Stop calling him that. He is not ugly,” I said firmly before turning back to Kyle. “Rather the opposite actually.” I moved my face closer to Kyle’s and gave him a chance to turn me down. He looked anxious, but to my surprise, he did kiss me before I could kiss him.

“Oh my god!” Cartman commented overdramatically.

We pulled apart and Kyle was blushing shyly. He was truly adorable, sweet as a strawberry.

“Oh, are you also gay?” Token asked with his eyebrows slightly raised.

“I know. Is it not hilarious guys? He is a gay ginger Jew. That’s a full jackpot,” Cartman spurted out before Kyle could respond.

“Yes, but I have not said anything to my parents yet, so please don’t talk about it.” I could see that he was uncomfortable after the coming out, but he also seemed relieved.

My eyes travelled to Craig who had tensed up. When our eyes met he immediately stood up and walked away.

“So what is going on here?” Bebe said giggly when she entered the living room together with the clearly wasted Stan and a seeming barley drunk Wendy.

“Tweek and jewboy just made out,” Cartman said grinning

“Om my god” Bebe shouted in high pitch. “Do it again pleeeeeease,” she begged.

“Well I guess we can offer you, girls, some entertainment,” I said playfully and glanced over at Kyle. He blushed, probably uncomfortable by the situation, but he just shrugged.

I took that as a yes and put my lips against his. My left hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head and tilted his head to make the kiss deeper. It did feel good, but at the height of the moment, I realised I was kissing a boy in front of a bunch of people, that I only have known for less than 2 weeks. How did it even happen? I felt kind of awkward for a moment. We pulled apart and I felt how I was probably blushing. I regained my confidence and felt rather at ease with the somewhat surreal situation.

“What are you doing Kyle?” Stan said bluntly. Wendy gave him a light punch with her elbow. Probably to stop him from saying something stupid

“Don’t be jelly Stan, it meant nothing for Tweek,” Cartman said bluntly.

“Why would I?” Stan said with irritation in his voice.

Kyle stood and walked away without a word. Wendy gave Stan a hortatory look and I went after Kyle with a sigh. Bebe took his spot beside.

“So have you ever kissed a girl,” she asked me with curiosity in her voice.

,“No I haven’t,” was all I managed to say.

“You want to try?” She shifted her position so her front was pointing towards me. Clyde seemed even more surprised than me by her question.

I lost my words as she slowly leaned in till our lips met and I for some reason was kissing Bebe. It didn’t feel bad, even though it was somewhat strange.

“What about me?” Clyde said with a tone as if he was the only one deserving a kiss from Bebe.

“Jelly? You also want a piece of him?” Babe replied.

“No, I don’t.” He sounded as if had got insulted. I guessed Bebe could change him from his normally relaxed and light-hearted self.

“Boring. If you don’t kiss him, then you will get anything from me tonight.” It was kind of impressive how she could sound so determined, yet so sweet at the same time.

“Whatever,” he said defeated.

“Is that a yes?” I wondered if she would ask me or I she just assumed I was up for it.

“You better make up for it.” He went up from the couch with was almost a jump.

I made eye contact with Bebe and we stared at each other for a brief moment before I complied.

“Fine,” I said and got up on my feet. I stood half a meter away from Clyde, while we just stared at each other

“Are you really going to do it?” Token asked sceptically.

“Shut up!” Clyde said with almost angry voice. At that moment he took a step forward and gave me a kiss. It was a sealed lip kiss.

“Are you ten Clyde? Kiss him like you kiss me,” Bebe said.

Clyde pulled away slightly, blushing. “You better make up for it.” 

“Am I that horrible to kiss?” I said teasingly with a fake sad face.

Clyde seemed unable to comprehend my question, so I kissed him. He parted his lips this time. I found his tongue with my own.

“God this turned into a fag party,” I heard Cartman say.

“You are just jealous no one wants to kiss you,” Token said and gave Nichole a soft kiss on her red coloured lips. 

“No. There is just no one here who is worth my godly lips”

“Keep telling you that dude”

“Ey. Screw you guys,” Cartman said and I assumed he left. Clyde was a surprisingly good kisser and he kind of went for it at that moment. 

We pulled away after he let out a quiet moon. Probably became too uncomfortable for him. He sat down on the couch and let out a big breath. “Are you happy now?” He said and glared at Bebe.

“That was so hot,” she said and sat down on Clyde’s lap. She threw her golden curls over her head and gave the lucky brunet a taste of her strawberry flavoured lip-gloss.

 

 

I felt kind of dizzy all of a sudden. I drank up the last slip of alcohol and decided to get some air. I took on my low and black untied sneakers before heading outside. It was warm outside as well, but the fresh air felt good in my lounges. I quickly noticed I wasn’t alone outside. To my left was Craig leaning against the house. He had ordinary blue jeans and a white T-shirt. His dark hair stuck out through the short blue beanie he wore on top of his head. He looked softer than usual. Our eyes met and he let out a sighed. I was happily surprised that he did not get defensive as usual.

“Hi! All good?” I said and walked too him. 

“Whatever. What do you want?”

“Nothing special. Just wanted some air” I was standing next to him, he didn’t react.

“Are you not busy kissing Kyle or some other dude?” He looked kind of cute when he said it.

“Are you jealous?” I tried to sound as teasingly as possible. He looked straight ahead

“No,” he said shortly. He looked straight ahead at seemingly nothing. I didn’t act as I thought he would, rather I looked defeated, almost sad. I wasn’t really sure about what I was about to do, but I moved in front of him. I cute his vision and stared into his glacial blue ice.

“What are you doing?” He sounded insecure even though body tried to express the opposite. I took one small step forward and our noses almost touched one another. We just stared at each other for awhile. He looked kind of scared but didn’t back of.

My lips moved forward until they hit his. He tightened up but didn’t push me away. His lips parted slightly. The experience was thrilling, like when you do something forbidden that you always have wanted to try. There was no tongue we both were probably to scared go for that. I felt how psychological butterflies tickled my abdomen. When was the last time I felt like this?

“Oh my god”

As soon as their words reached my ears I felt something hit my chest hard. To my surprise, I managed to keep my drunken feet on the ground. “Get off me you fag,” the boy in front of me said. My eyes were on the ground and I tried to regain balance. I looked back up and was greeted with a fist on my left cheek. I bumbled to the left.

“Hey! Stop!” I heard Butters shout loudly. I was a bit dizzy, but two arms around my chest stopped me from falling. “Why did you fucking to that?” The short blond boy said angrily.

“Yeah what the fuck dude. That‘s not kwel,” Cartman said. 

Craig did not say anything and I had trouble reading his stone face. I shouldn’t have bailed him out again, but I couldn’t help that I felt sorry for him.

“It’s okay guys. It’s my fault. I’m a bit wasted as you might see. Silly me tried to kiss him and he obviously did not want it.” I released myself from Butters arms.

“I’m sorry Craig, I hope you can forgive me.” He calmed down slightly, but his face remained hard as iron beams. I was worried he would crush his own teeth with the force.

“What going on here?” Clyde asked as he, Kyle, Wendy, Babe, Stan and Token rushed outside. They probably heard Butters’ scream.

“Well, we went out and saw Tweek kiss Craig. Then Craig pushed Tweek away and hit him in the face,” Cartman explained bluntly. 

Butters glared at Craig, while Kenny who stood by Craig didn’t seem to care much about what just had happened.

“Are you okay?” Clyde asked me.

“I’m a fine guys. Things just got a little too crazy here,” I said and gave Craig a short glare.

“I think I should go home now.” Clyde and Token walked up to me. “You don’t have to leave,” Clyde said and gave a Craig a look of disappointment. “Yes, there is no reason to leave. It’s just midnight” Token tried to reason. 

“Sorry guys. I will talk to you tomorrow,” I said and gave Token a quick hug. I did the same to Clyde, but I also whispered, “take care of Bebe” in his ear. I gave him a wink with the eye, as we pulled apart. I looked up at the guys on the stair. “You want to join me?” I asked with my eyes on Kyle. “Ehm” he responded, unsure of what to say. “Just say yes, before I take him for myself,” Bebe said and gave him a moderate push on the shoulder

“Ey, what about me?” Clyde said.

“Then come and get me,” she said seductive and gave him a wink.

Clyde obeyed and took Bebe inside with his lips nailed on hers. Token followed them inside. Kyle seemed to have collected his thoughts.

“Sure,” he said with a shy but genuine smile.

“Great,” I said and walked over to Kyle. Stan gave me a glare. I grabbed both of Kyle´s hands and moved my mouth to his ear “Maybe we can pop a cherry,” I whisper and briefly touched his ear with the lips. “If you don’t mind?” I said and glanced at the drunken guy behind him. God, what was I doing?

“Holy shit. Tweek must be drunker than Stan. You should not take advantage of him, Kyle,” Cartman said.

Kyle looked at the ground and seemed to want to disappear from the surface of the earth. “Just shut the fuck up all,” he said glaring up at Cartman before he turned to Stan and said, “and you don’t say anything”.

“Fuck you. Do what you want with your new best friend and boyfriend. You are just pissed that I’m not a fag like you. To bad your gay dick have to ruin our friendship. Why can’t you be fucking normal,” Stan said with a yell voice that cracked at the end.

Everyone outside went silent. I was stunned by Stan’s outburst, while Kyle shifted between fury and grief. “Let’s go,” I said and grabbed Kyle’s hand. He remained still, staring at Stan. “You should apologize Stan,” Wendy said calmly in the typical Wendy way.

“I’m sorry you turned out to be a cock sucker.” The sound of Wendy’s palm colliding with Stan cheek cut through the air.

Kyle twitched and was ready to assist Wendy with a formed fist.

“Stan, why don’t you go drink yourself to death? Just as your father.” His voice was ice cold, while is body behaved like a cracking statue.

“Wow that was harsh,” the large boy said with a surprised grin. He put his hand on Kyle’s shoulder, but he shook it off.

Stan just starred with foggy eyes at the redhead. “Get AIDS,” was all he said before Wendy drew him inside. 

“Well this became awkward,” Cartman said and walked in, but stopped at the doorway and said “be careful with him Tweek” while he gave me a wink.

I glanced over at the boy who hit me. His eyes were on the stars. He looked indifferent, but glimpses of panic and frustration showed through. I wanted to hug him and tell him how everything will be all right if he just was brave enough to take the first step. Even though I would probably have gotten a fist as a response if I did it. I found it interesting that I cared about him to such an extent, while it also frightened me. Kyle and I left the party.

 

 

We reached Starks pound and sat down on the bench, who was located right next to the water. The lake reflected the light of the moon, making us able to see the slow motions in the water.

“Stan and I have always gone here when things or life felt hard. We just sat here, comforting each other. I always hoped my first kiss with him would be here, in the sunset. I guess it time to say farewell to that idea.” He was calm and even looked confident like nothing was able to change his mood.

“It was not okay for him to say what he said, but I don’t think he really means it.” His hand rested on the bench. I put my hand on his and our fingers intertwined.

“Me neither, but it does not matter. I can’t be hopelessly in love with someone I spend so much time with and who will never return my feelings. I just have to move on, somehow”.

“You still want to be friends with him?” I really hoped he would say yes.

“I don’t know. I mean of course I want, but can I?” He looked despondently at me. I stood up in front of him.

“I don’t think you should push him away, you are too close friends for that.”

“We will see. It’s cold, shall we go home?”

“Yes, home to me”. I brought him up into a kiss.

“Maybe, I will just call my mum first.” He pulled out his phone and searched for her number.

We began to walk towards my house, while he talked to his mother. I thought about him and Stan. I hoped they would not stop being best friends. If Kyle truly threw Stan out of his life or if his strong feeling for him vanished, then it would be possible that he would fall in love with me. I wished that he never would fall in love with me because I would never have been able to return dose feelings.

Kyle hanged up and sighed.

“So is she okay with you sleeping at my place?” He laughed at my question.

“Of course not, but I said I would do it anyway and that she can punish me tomorrow if she wants.” It sounded strange to me but I didn’t know his mother, so it might have made sense.

 

At home, the light was still on, which meant at least one of my parents was awake. 

“Home already” I heard my father say from the kitchen.

“Already? It’s one a.m.” I took off my shoes.

“Oh! Is it? Times just flies by sometimes” 

We walked into the kitchen. Dad sat by his computer with a heap of papers around him in a mess, that incited was in some kind of order for him. I guessed it was related to the coffee shop.

“Kyle is staying over, so you know”

“Oh, okay”. My dad went up and reached out his hand which Kyle grabbed and said, “Nice to meet you, sir.”

“You can call me Richard,” dad replied with a smile. He put his hands on the hips and asked “Are you hungry? There is some food left for dinner.

I looked at Kyle for a reaction, but he just stared at me indifferently. I was a bit hungry, so a piece of food didn’t seem like a bad idea.

“Well, we can check what we got,” I said and moved to the fridge. We ended up with a bowl vegetarian bean soup and a cheese sandwich.

“So you were the one who helped Tweek to catch up in school after he was sick”. I flinched at the way he said sick. Kyle did not notice.

“Yes, he is a quick learner, I just showed him what had been brought up in class.”

“And you are great at explaining stuff “

We eat our food mostly in silence, while dad kept doing his paperwork.

 “Satisfied?” I asked when I noticed that our bowls were empty. He nodded as a response. We began leaving to my room located upstairs.

“Be safe boys,” dad said casually. Embarrassing as always. He didn’t even know that Kyle was gay or was it that obvious? I guessed that taking home a straight guy after a party is not the most common thing to do. Kyle looked puzzled at me

“God, mind your own business”

“Well I wouldn’t be a good father if I didn’t care about you, wouldn’t I?

“Good night,” I said and began walking up to my room.

 

“Did he refer to sex?” Kyle asked as we entered the second floor.

“Yes, he sadly did.” We walked into the bathroom and grabbed my toothbrush and put some toothpaste on it.

“You can use my toothbrush after if you want” He looked at me in disbelief.

“Relax it’s much cleaner than my mouth and you have survived it.”

I took his lack of response as a yes. He looked on his phone while I brushed my teeth. His face dressed well in tiredness, it made even cuter than he already was. I washed the toothbrush rigorously under the hot water and handed it over to Kyle who reluctantly grabbed it.

“I will just get rid of the wax.” I took off my shirt and went on my knees. The cold water was energising and I washed the hair for a minute before I grabbed the towel.  Kyle spat out the toothpaste at the same time as I turned off the water.

“Your turn.” He seemed to have a hard time keeping his eyes away from my abs, while I grabbed a towel for him.   

He took off his shirt and my eyes immediately scanned his upper body. I noticed his

He was skinny but with a healthy layer of fat that cowered his bones and muscles. He noticed my examination.

“Yes, I know. I don’t have a hot alethic body.” He sounded abject.

“You need to stop talking you down. I think your body is hot.” I grabbed his neck with one hand and put the other one just above his ass. I drew him as close as possible, so I could feel his skin while I kept his mouth busy. He let out a moon and I pulled away. He looked at me yearningly and I wanted him badly as well.

“My room is to the left,” I said and left the bathroom while he turned the water on.

 

I lit my desk lamp and turned off the one in the ceiling. I lay down on the bed, with the right side of the hip and the face pointing towards the door. The right hand supported my head as I practised my seductive expression.

After a minute or two Kyle entered the room shirtless with damp hair.

“Come here hotti” He rolled his eyes to my invitation, but he did it with a smile.

I got on my feet as he walked towards me. We stood as close as possible without touching each other. His cloudy eyes were arousing as we just stared at each other for a brief moment. I pushed him down on the bed and laid myself on top of him. Our lips separated, as I went up on my knees. His breath was long and irregular. His pants went off before I dived down back into his face. He fumbled with my button, while our kisses got more violent. The fly got unzipped and he pulled down my jeans slightly. I helped him with his pursuit and then kicked them off, so I didn’t have to leave his tender lips. My full-grown erection brushed back and forth over his. He moaned and grabbed my hair. His grip got harder as I humped him more intensely. My hand found itself searching downwards and finding what it targeted. Not long after I find a hand slipping in through my briefs, gently pushing it down. We jerked each other off while kissing until Kyle came and right after I came as well. We snuck out naked to the bathroom and cleaned ourselves off.

“Everything alright?” I asked while I stood in the shower.

“Eh yes,” he looked a bit embarrassed but not in a bad way. We went back to the bed with our briefs on. He took the spot closest to the wall and lay on his side. I lay down next to him and our bodies lightly touched. My thought travelled to Craig while gently played with Kyle’s hair. A suddenly I felt guilty as I realised that the kiss was more exciting and more memorable than the entire night with Kyle. Not long after I hear kyles light snores. 

"Sorry," I whispered in his ears and hugged him more tightly before I also fell asleep 

 


End file.
